yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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