As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
