You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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