she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
