Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
