i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
