last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
