I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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