I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
