Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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