what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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