Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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