I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
