This girl is more easily done than said...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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