idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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