They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
operation harelip BJ is a go
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
