Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
