My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
