i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
