U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In America we eat man semen.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
