I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The struggles of a small town man whore
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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