Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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