Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I checked into jail on foursquare
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
