this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
