The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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