we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize