i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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