I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
