so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
