Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
