I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
how drunk are you?
Several
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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