Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
