So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
