I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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