you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
