just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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