I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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