there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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