I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
