i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
