I must be too annoying 4 u.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize