I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
