i barfeds in our rink
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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