about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
