the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
