I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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