Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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