Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
