If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
