Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
