You smell like stripper and shame
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
