Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
