it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
