you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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