roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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