They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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