mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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