Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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