all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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