My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
