You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
