You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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