We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you would pick up someone in the library
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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