I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
