I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my shit smells like andre
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
