ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
